You may wonder! Why is this, a forty something guy so obsessed with his mother...... she always been a mom for me and till today I've never referred to her as mother.
The word “mother” gives a name to a biological relation but the words like “maa, mom, mummy etc.” …. all these words signify that there is something more to the relationship than just being biological. A relationship which is above everything else in this world!!
I have been lucky enough to experience a transition in this wonderful relationship with the passage of time. We have been two very different individuals with different perspectives. Even though I have never lived without her except for some brief periods when I was in engineering college but not long enough to consider it as living away from her. This close proximity with my mother has not diluted the bonding which is so deep yet so different and as I try to define it……..I am a kind of confused. There are so many issues wherein our opinions are polls apart. This sometimes results in healthy argument on many issues.
But as I am trying to analyse this relation with my mom I realise that the principals of constant change in life also holds good for this mother son relation. Initially she took care of me in my childhood and ensured that she imbibed some good values in me. This kind of upbringing now makes me realise that it is more important to be humane than be rich……and that all the education, degrees and professional achievements are of no use if we don’t have value for human beings.
From her perspective she would be thinking that she has seen me grow from a baby to a young boy to an adolescent confused teen ager to a young man and now to a matured man. She sees in me a child whom she has nurtured into an adult who is also dealing with life in his own way……
But from my perspective I realise that till this day she thinks that I am still naive in some way or the other. I have come to this conclusion based on the advice she gives on some issues from time to time. More often than not I am convinced that taking her advice is a wise decision; nevertheless it is a fact of life that nothing is constant…….. I was the one who was born and taken care of by my mother and now it is me who is taking care of my mother though only physically because she has slowed down after an accident.
This relation is not limited to only taking care of each other…….. the transition has been so beautiful and delicate that I did not notice it………not very long ago she treated me like a child (which she even does today) who had to be taught about every small thing in life and now it has turned out that she is more of a friend to me than a mother!!!
I know she is the one I can open up to….. I can express my insecurities to her and get an assurance from her that everything is going to be alright….. and believe me it works …. I don’t know how? I realise that being a man in the driving seat in my family and at business I am the one others look up to in any kind of situation….. but unknown to everyone I look up to my mother…… only for those soothing words of assurance and I know I can handle it!!
I have seen many people who complain that they cannot get along with their old parents and some old people cannot get along with their children …… the reasons may seem repetitive even if we consider a number of cases connected with different people.
It is only a matter of 2 A’s. The first ‘A ‘ stands for “acceptance”. Acceptance of parents as they are……accept them with all their insecurities which are bound to creep in with old age and are the cause for their awkward behaviour. Some times this becomes the cause for deteriorating relations. The second ‘A’ stands for "admit"….. admit that you love your parents because they are your parents and give them an occasional hug and see those old eyes light up with love for you….. all the insecurities, expectations and complains will melt away in the warmth of their love for you.
Friends let us not forget that they are the people who have brought us into this world and what are we doing?? Judging these people!!! The very people because of whom …… we are what we are!!! No matter how much progress we make we cannot outgrow our parents and that is the eternal truth.
As I conclude this write up sitting in the assured confines of my parents bedroom this early Sunday morning….. I cannot call this morning beautiful because it still too early for sunrise and it is still dark for me to assess. But it dawns upon me in contrast; I realise how lucky I am as my mother admonishes me and asks me to sleep ……not because she is disturbed but because she wants me to grab an extra wink on a Sunday morning… But I silently tell my mom in my heart of hearts that “Mom let me be” …. because I have just woken up….. woken up to this wonderful realisation that “Mom I love you” because you are always the best”.
Written by blogger: Jagdish S Kolur