The name of the blog I am writing today may make my readers sit up and think; what is this all about? Some kind of revelation! or it may sound as if I am in a confessional mood. Actually it is nothing like that; I have been inspired to write this because while discussing some of my recent write-ups with my cousin who is much younger than me in age. He innocently pointed out that "though all the write-ups were good but…… they were appropriate only for your age"!! "My age I asked indignantly" not able to judge what he was aiming at!! As I was contemplating he blurted out something which shocked me no end. I stood still; listening in absolute silence as he casually said "Why can't you write on some beautiful topics like…….. say girls or something romantic….. so far it was ok…… but what he further said was the actual cause for me to stand cold and listen in rapt silence ……. he said forget it you are too old for all this!!!
His words cut through my ego which had been put in a deflating mode. I could feel it deflating!! but how do I give this abstract feeling a form? It was some thing like watching a huge balloon rapidly losing air. The only difference being that the balloon did not have emotions but I was not a balloon!! I did not sleep that night………. thinking that how could anyone have called me old!!
But as I settled down with my feelings and convinced myself that my cousin did not have a sound judgement, the writer in me superseded the middle aged guy who had been shaken up to reality…. Making him realise!!! That maybe age was catching up with him……. somebody called had just called him old!! Believe me it was very difficult to accept. As the writer's analytical mind took over my being I started thinking what was I like at his (my younger cousin) age i.e when I was 23 years. At that age my mindset was something like ……anybody who was above 30 years of age; married was deemed to be old by my standards. But now the way I feel is in stark contrast to what I just stated i.e anybody who is below or is in the range of plus minus 3 to 4 years of my age I now consider them as young. This is what you may call as relative ageing!!!
Now instead of trying to find out what kind of transition your thinking process has gone through over the years; I would like my readers to take themselves to a particular age. Instead of being judgmental and critical of how deficient the younger generation is!! How wrong my cousin is in calling me old. I had actually assumed that his mistake is equivalent to a crime. But some how better sense prevailed when the writer took over. Like I mentioned above, I also took my self to the age when I was still adolescent…… say 16 years. It is the age when we are just being aware…….more than anything being attracted to the opposite sex for no reason (that is what we all tend to think). I know for my readers to acknowledge such feelings as responsible adults may be difficult but it is important for all of us to remember that it is a part of growing; I would like to go one step further and accept that it is also a very beautiful phase. The thinking process is not under a burden of responsibility which takes away the charm from such feelings.
As I keep the thoughts churning while I write this blog; I voluntarily walk down the memory lane and what do I see!! I see a short, skinny and dark boy of may be 16 years of age busy staring at his full image in the half size mirror. He has an expression on his face which looks funny and has an attitude! Actually what he is trying to do? Imitate "Sly Stallone"? Whose half naked poster's image can be seen in the mirror. On a closer look we realize that he has pumped up his skinny body and what an optimist he must be!! He is actually comparing his physique with that of Sylvester Stallone in the movie "Rocky". The famous song " Eye of the tiger" is blaring in the background while the skinny guy is standing in a mock boxing pose and shadow practicing like "Sly" did in the movie.
This teen aged skinny guy has become very conscious because he just got infatuated with a "PYT" or what you may call a "pretty young thing". Actually he is a little confused; why does he get this feeling ever so often these days…….. Why does he find all these creatures so beautiful? These questions are being retrospectively asked but this guy! Sly is just flowing along with this beautiful feeling and wading aimlessly in life almost as if …….. in a dream all day. He has a silly half smile on his face and looks dazed. This time the reason for such behaviour is an unknown girl who walks by everyday almost at the same time as he hurries to his SYJC class in junior college.
The moment he saw her he felt that she was the most beautiful thing that he had seen in his life. What really attracted him to her; were her beautiful eyes and better described by Sly as big brown and simply enticing! He did not mind that she had an awkward jump in her walk but she had hair just like he always wanted; jet black and straight. All this was enough for him to think that she was the one! He could not get her off his mind…… she was simply …… soooo…. beautiful!! The next day Sly decided that he had to see her again. He surprised everyone at home when he was found praying to god so early in the morning…….. all ready in his customary jeans, chequered full sleeve shirt. The sleeves were folded up high so that they were exposing those small bumps which he mistook as biceps equivalent to "Rocky" the boxer. He somehow convinced his unsuspecting mother that he had extra classes and that was the reason he was up so early. All his mother did was thank god that her son was at last being responsible.
He was back again waiting for his eye candy......she was no where to be seen. He knew he was early by about half an hour but he did not wish to take any chance of missing her. After a good half an hour he noticed her coming like cool breeze not withstanding those beautiful eyes; he stood poised as time stood still …….he wanted to say something but before he could think she was gone lost in the morning rush. He kept looking for that beautiful thing in jeans and cotton shirt which convinced him that she was even more beautiful!!
This waiting became a regular feature which also did not go unnoticed by this beautiful creature and one day obliged him with a flash of her beautiful smile. That was the day he decided that he had finally won her. That night he sat late and totally oblivious to others at home wrote a small beautiful note to his lady love. He took special care to seal it properly in a clean neat envelope and scribbled something on it in his ugly handwriting which was by virtue. That night he did not sleep well and mentally rehearsed a number of times how he was going to hand over the note.
That morning as soon as he saw her his mouth went dry as usual. But the mental rehearsing all through the night had got him prepared to some extent. He pumped up his small chest and pretending himself to be Sylvester; walked up to her with an air of having a great physique in a stiff manner. As soon as he reached her he parted his legs; one hand in his pocket and the other making sure his hair was in order. He pulled out the note which had been a witness to the all night practice. As soon as he pulled out the note she looked a wee bit surprised and hesitated! But he did not let her react in any manner and before she knew it he had already thrust this note in her beautiful hands. He had vanished the scene with lightening speed. Sly was scared no end because she could have reacted by shouting and screaming in the crowd. He did not want to be at the mercy of this metropolitan crowd with mob mentality. He had witnessed the thrashing many times before and did not ever want to be at the taking end.
Now as soon as he was at safe distance he decided his next plan of action; which would be to go about his routine schedule and wait for the answer to his letter the next morning. The wait for the next morning was endless.
The time had at last come! To his surprise she was early and waiting for him. As soon as she saw the so… familiar stiff figure with his pumped up chest she gave him the million dollar smile he had waited for so long. She walked up to him with the pronounced awkward jump which he did not notice. The only thing he noticed in her hand was a small crumpled note. He could made out that it was written in a hurry and there was no envelope to give it a confidential look.
She handed him the note and told him with a knowing smile "Read it when your are alone". She also asked him his name and introduced herself to him. She was gone before the feeling of talking to her could actually sink in. She had actually waited, talked, introduced herself and most importantly replied to his letter, so many good things happening in one day! He could not believe it!! He was very impatient as he removed the wonderful note which was crumpled but for him it was still the most beautiful thing to happen. He opened and read out the only word written on it! It was obvious that it was the only answer you could expect! He smiled to himself and mentally again started reflecting on what he had written and it was as follows (for the benefit of the readers; the script of the letter is written in italics which represents the ugly hand writing of the Sly)
I have been seeing you every day and keeping a track of you. I find you very beautiful. I keep waiting for you every day…. day in and day out.!!
But there is one question which I have wanted to ask you ever since I saw you the first time. But how do I to put it across to you I don't know.? I don't even know when I spell it out you may stop talking to me or even to the extent form a bad impression about me.
Even at the risk of all the above I will have to ask you this because I am really losing sleep over this.
Hold on! Here it is: Which toothpaste do you use????
With a lots of love(Last word was written after a lot of hesitation)
He again read the reply which she had written "Colgate" and drawn a big smiley. He was relieved that she was not upset. A lot of thinking and hesitation had gone into writing what he had written. The fact was that he really did not understand what he wanted to write and to top it all he did not have the guts to admit his feelings for her. So not knowing what to write he had at the last minute thought of pulling off a small joke on her which he rightly thought would impress his lady love.
In due course they started talking to each other every day at the same time, same place though for a very brief moment. Sly would proudly think that he had got the consent of his love for her. However he never brought himself to tell her so……. The reason I think maybe because of immaturity it must be understood that one cannot judge what he really wants from a relationship.
One fine day as the year came to an end, the colleges were to close for preparation for the board exams. Sly told her with a lump in his throat that may be it was last time he was meeting her before the start of the exams. He knew he would really miss her and also convinced himself on her behalf; it could be the same on her side too! She could gauge his feelings and in the same casual tone told him that she wanted tomorrow to be the last time they were meeting before exams. They were to meet at a prefixed time and place for one last time before the exams commenced.
One thing that was heavily bearing on Sly's mind was that if he took up some technical courses like engineering after the results then in all probability this was it!! May be it would really be the last time he would be meeting her. How he wished on a parting note he would give her a small peck on those rosy cheeks.
The last day and the time arrived along-with a realisation in Sly that time seldom waits or acknowledges a special moment. It is only for us to inscribe it in our memory and enjoy that beautiful moment when it comes. Sly waited in anticipation that he would tell her the golden words and after all she was the one who had called this last meeting. As his train of thoughts kept him busy; she arrived with a tall dark handsome (TDH) guy who was well built and looked much elder than both of them. She looked at Sly and waved. As she came close to sly, she turned and looked back at the TDH and told him in a loud audible manner that he is the one…… pointing her slender well manicured finger to Sly and continued he is the one i have been talking about. This got Sly worried ….. was he in for a thrashing? So far everything seemed good!!! Who was this guy he wondered? But Sly's lady love was going to reveal something which would change his thinking……. she introduced the TDH to Sly as her boyfriend.
The world seemed to come crashing down and Sly was heart broken. This was a common phenomenon and everybody including himself knew that he would get over this one sided love and move on to greener pastures. Sly would again fall in love…. or …. get infatuated. Thinking back in time….. Sly would definitely be telling himself "I bet I could have kissed her!! J