Sunday, September 25, 2011

Comment on identity crisis


drpritamrajput@yahoo.co.in
to me
Dear jagdish,          


Absolutely true u r!!! These politicians r perfect examples of IDENTITY CRISIS so much so that nowerdays they have started displaying their pet dogs and cats also and wishing them on their birthdays Pathetic is the only word which comes to my mind seeing at these banners Anyways good job jags!!


  Regards
 Pritam
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Identity Crisis......

Ever so often as I pass through this metropolis I have been forced to think that the city of Mumbai is facing huge challenge in keeping itself free from the huge amount of garbage it generates, all the while challenging the Municipal authorities and pushing them to the edge.

We read a lot in the media about how irresponsible these authorities are but this is something which can be set right if we are really determined.

There is some thing more disturbing than just the garbage which is an eye sore but in the same breath I also admit it is only a physical phenomenon which can be eradicated.

However as I look at the 'n' number of banners which are displayed all over the city with local leaders wishing their political bosses for various reasons and using this platform to make a vulgar display of the gold they possess which have been acquired by unscrupulous means.

I am forced to wonder if they are the people who really represent the masses who are more often than not below the poverty line.

But as I analyse the mindset of the leaders with a myopic vision I also conclude that the vulgar show of yellow metal is a coverup for the short comings of these leaders.

In an attempt to show that they are somebody they have to resort to such gimmicks because they do not have any achievements to fall back on. They are actually people who need to be treated for identity crisis.

This setup gives out wrong signals to the younger generation who may get their priorities misplaced.

In my view this is the kind of garbage has to be dealt expeditiously because it is bound to have long term implications.

Let us help these sick people in identifying themselves.

JAGDISH S KOLUR

Nothing to express……

This kind of feeling is something really special! You don’t get this kind of feeling ever so often. However after a very hectic day at work late this evening; I ponder over the topic I wish to write this weekend. This weekly indulgence especially on a Saturday night is really very special to me.

I try thinking of some topics on which I generally express my opinion without much as an effort. But today appears to be different; different because I am unable to do something which is so dear to me i.e writing. I further think that may be if I discuss this with my folks at home some thing may work out. I go to each one of them asking for a topic to write on……. As I proceed with the mission of getting a topic which would challenge my intellect, I discern that though all the topics suggested were plausible and worth giving a serious thought to; something really stopped me from dwelling over the topics which were good but not good enough to cause some turbulence in my thought process. I nod in pseudo agreement to the suggestions given to me but somewhere deep down inside me I am not really convinced about the topics they want me to write on.

As I am trying to prove the first law of Newton’s theory wrong; I mean the inertia which is holding me back from doing what I want to do……… I realise that it is my thought process which really does not want to express anything and wants to be in a particular state where there is nothing to express.

This state of mind exists when the mind is settling down in peace…… yes it is peace!!!!……peace that is preventing the mind from doing what I enjoy most.…….writing!! It also brings with it a realisation that the Newton’s first law holds good even in the case of the ever so abstract mind!!!!!

Good night!

Jagdish S Kolur

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I bet I could’ve kissed her!!

The name of the blog I am writing today may make my readers sit up and think; what is this all about? Some kind of revelation! or it may sound as if I am in a confessional mood. Actually it is nothing like that; I have been inspired to write this because while discussing some of my recent write-ups with my cousin who is much younger than me in age. He innocently pointed out that "though all the write-ups were good but…… they were appropriate only for your age"!! "My age I asked indignantly" not able to judge what he was aiming at!! As I was contemplating he blurted out something which shocked me no end. I stood still; listening in absolute silence as he casually said "Why can't you write on some beautiful topics like…….. say girls or something romantic….. so far it was ok…… but what he further said was the actual cause for me to stand cold and listen in rapt silence ……. he said forget it you are too old for all this!!!

His words cut through my ego which had been put in a deflating mode. I could feel it deflating!! but how do I give this abstract feeling a form? It was some thing like watching a huge balloon rapidly losing air. The only difference being that the balloon did not have emotions but I was not a balloon!! I did not sleep that night………. thinking that how could anyone have called me old!!

But as I settled down with my feelings and convinced myself that my cousin did not have a sound judgement, the writer in me superseded the middle aged guy who had been shaken up to reality…. Making him realise!!! That maybe age was catching up with him……. somebody called had just called him old!! Believe me it was very difficult to accept. As the writer's analytical mind took over my being I started thinking what was I like at his (my younger cousin) age i.e when I was 23 years. At that age my mindset was something like ……anybody who was above 30 years of age; married was deemed to be old by my standards. But now the way I feel is in stark contrast to what I just stated i.e anybody who is below or is in the range of plus minus 3 to 4 years of my age I now consider them as young. This is what you may call as relative ageing!!!

Now instead of trying to find out what kind of transition your thinking process has gone through over the years; I would like my readers to take themselves to a particular age. Instead of being judgmental and critical of how deficient the younger generation is!! How wrong my cousin is in calling me old. I had actually assumed that his mistake is equivalent to a crime. But some how better sense prevailed when the writer took over. Like I mentioned above, I also took my self to the age when I was still adolescent…… say 16 years. It is the age when we are just being aware…….more than anything being attracted to the opposite sex for no reason (that is what we all tend to think). I know for my readers to acknowledge such feelings as responsible adults may be difficult but it is important for all of us to remember that it is a part of growing; I would like to go one step further and accept that it is also a very beautiful phase. The thinking process is not under a burden of responsibility which takes away the charm from such feelings.

As I keep the thoughts churning while I write this blog; I voluntarily walk down the memory lane and what do I see!! I see a short, skinny and dark boy of may be 16 years of age busy staring at his full image in the half size mirror. He has an expression on his face which looks funny and has an attitude! Actually what he is trying to do? Imitate "Sly Stallone"? Whose half naked poster's image can be seen in the mirror. On a closer look we realize that he has pumped up his skinny body and what an optimist he must be!! He is actually comparing his physique with that of Sylvester Stallone in the movie "Rocky". The famous song " Eye of the tiger" is blaring in the background while the skinny guy is standing in a mock boxing pose and shadow practicing like "Sly" did in the movie.

This teen aged skinny guy has become very conscious because he just got infatuated with a "PYT" or what you may call a "pretty young thing". Actually he is a little confused; why does he get this feeling ever so often these days…….. Why does he find all these creatures so beautiful? These questions are being retrospectively asked but this guy! Sly is just flowing along with this beautiful feeling and wading aimlessly in life almost as if …….. in a dream all day. He has a silly half smile on his face and looks dazed. This time the reason for such behaviour is an unknown girl who walks by everyday almost at the same time as he hurries to his SYJC class in junior college.

The moment he saw her he felt that she was the most beautiful thing that he had seen in his life. What really attracted him to her; were her beautiful eyes and better described by Sly as big brown and simply enticing! He did not mind that she had an awkward jump in her walk but she had hair just like he always wanted; jet black and straight. All this was enough for him to think that she was the one! He could not get her off his mind…… she was simply …… soooo…. beautiful!! The next day Sly decided that he had to see her again. He surprised everyone at home when he was found praying to god so early in the morning…….. all ready in his customary jeans, chequered full sleeve shirt. The sleeves were folded up high so that they were exposing those small bumps which he mistook as biceps equivalent to "Rocky" the boxer. He somehow convinced his unsuspecting mother that he had extra classes and that was the reason he was up so early. All his mother did was thank god that her son was at last being responsible.

He was back again waiting for his eye candy......she was no where to be seen. He knew he was early by about half an hour but he did not wish to take any chance of missing her. After a good half an hour he noticed her coming like cool breeze not withstanding those beautiful eyes; he stood poised as time stood still …….he wanted to say something but before he could think she was gone lost in the morning rush. He kept looking for that beautiful thing in jeans and cotton shirt which convinced him that she was even more beautiful!!

This waiting became a regular feature which also did not go unnoticed by this beautiful creature and one day obliged him with a flash of her beautiful smile. That was the day he decided that he had finally won her. That night he sat late and totally oblivious to others at home wrote a small beautiful note to his lady love. He took special care to seal it properly in a clean neat envelope and scribbled something on it in his ugly handwriting which was by virtue. That night he did not sleep well and mentally rehearsed a number of times how he was going to hand over the note.

That morning as soon as he saw her his mouth went dry as usual. But the mental rehearsing all through the night had got him prepared to some extent. He pumped up his small chest and pretending himself to be Sylvester; walked up to her with an air of having a great physique in a stiff manner. As soon as he reached her he parted his legs; one hand in his pocket and the other making sure his hair was in order. He pulled out the note which had been a witness to the all night practice. As soon as he pulled out the note she looked a wee bit surprised and hesitated! But he did not let her react in any manner and before she knew it he had already thrust this note in her beautiful hands. He had vanished the scene with lightening speed. Sly was scared no end because she could have reacted by shouting and screaming in the crowd. He did not want to be at the mercy of this metropolitan crowd with mob mentality. He had witnessed the thrashing many times before and did not ever want to be at the taking end.

Now as soon as he was at safe distance he decided his next plan of action; which would be to go about his routine schedule and wait for the answer to his letter the next morning. The wait for the next morning was endless.

The time had at last come! To his surprise she was early and waiting for him. As soon as she saw the so… familiar stiff figure with his pumped up chest she gave him the million dollar smile he had waited for so long. She walked up to him with the pronounced awkward jump which he did not notice. The only thing he noticed in her hand was a small crumpled note. He could made out that it was written in a hurry and there was no envelope to give it a confidential look.

She handed him the note and told him with a knowing smile "Read it when your are alone". She also asked him his name and introduced herself to him. She was gone before the feeling of talking to her could actually sink in. She had actually waited, talked, introduced herself and most importantly replied to his letter, so many good things happening in one day! He could not believe it!! He was very impatient as he removed the wonderful note which was crumpled but for him it was still the most beautiful thing to happen. He opened and read out the only word written on it! It was obvious that it was the only answer you could expect! He smiled to himself and mentally again started reflecting on what he had written and it was as follows (for the benefit of the readers; the script of the letter is written in italics which represents the ugly hand writing of the Sly)

"Dear Beautiful,

I have been seeing you every day and keeping a track of you. I find you very beautiful. I keep waiting for you every day…. day in and day out.!!

But there is one question which I have wanted to ask you ever since I saw you the first time. But how do I to put it across to you I don't know.? I don't even know when I spell it out you may stop talking to me or even to the extent form a bad impression about me.

Even at the risk of all the above I will have to ask you this because I am really losing sleep over this.

Hold on! Here it is: Which toothpaste do you use????

With a lots of love(Last word was written after a lot of hesitation)

Sly

He again read the reply which she had written "Colgate" and drawn a big smiley. He was relieved that she was not upset. A lot of thinking and hesitation had gone into writing what he had written. The fact was that he really did not understand what he wanted to write and to top it all he did not have the guts to admit his feelings for her. So not knowing what to write he had at the last minute thought of pulling off a small joke on her which he rightly thought would impress his lady love.

In due course they started talking to each other every day at the same time, same place though for a very brief moment. Sly would proudly think that he had got the consent of his love for her. However he never brought himself to tell her so……. The reason I think maybe because of immaturity it must be understood that one cannot judge what he really wants from a relationship.

One fine day as the year came to an end, the colleges were to close for preparation for the board exams. Sly told her with a lump in his throat that may be it was last time he was meeting her before the start of the exams. He knew he would really miss her and also convinced himself on her behalf; it could be the same on her side too! She could gauge his feelings and in the same casual tone told him that she wanted tomorrow to be the last time they were meeting before exams. They were to meet at a prefixed time and place for one last time before the exams commenced.

One thing that was heavily bearing on Sly's mind was that if he took up some technical courses like engineering after the results then in all probability this was it!! May be it would really be the last time he would be meeting her. How he wished on a parting note he would give her a small peck on those rosy cheeks.

The last day and the time arrived along-with a realisation in Sly that time seldom waits or acknowledges a special moment. It is only for us to inscribe it in our memory and enjoy that beautiful moment when it comes. Sly waited in anticipation that he would tell her the golden words and after all she was the one who had called this last meeting. As his train of thoughts kept him busy; she arrived with a tall dark handsome (TDH) guy who was well built and looked much elder than both of them. She looked at Sly and waved. As she came close to sly, she turned and looked back at the TDH and told him in a loud audible manner that he is the one…… pointing her slender well manicured finger to Sly and continued he is the one i have been talking about. This got Sly worried ….. was he in for a thrashing? So far everything seemed good!!! Who was this guy he wondered? But Sly's lady love was going to reveal something which would change his thinking……. she introduced the TDH to Sly as her boyfriend.

The world seemed to come crashing down and Sly was heart broken. This was a common phenomenon and everybody including himself knew that he would get over this one sided love and move on to greener pastures. Sly would again fall in love…. or …. get infatuated. Thinking back in time….. Sly would definitely be telling himself "I bet I could have kissed her!! J




Monday, September 5, 2011

Message Before its too late!!!

The blog I am writing today is based on the findings of Dr Bronnie Ware whom I actually I don’t know but I must acknowledge him alongwith a dear friend who forwarded an email on the findings of the above mentioned doctor. I am not generally in the habit of reading forwarded emails because they generally eat too much into the limited time I have, Because apart from writing I also happen to be a full time engineer and a have business to care for.

However this forwarded email I received caught my attention because of its subject and it read as follows "Five most common regrets of people before dying”. My mind started racing and I was forced to wonder what could be on the mind of a person who is on his death bed? What is it that a dying man could regret!!! I have always wondered. Without giving much thought and weight-age to the status of the email which was “forwarded” I started reading it; voraciously taking in the contents and I was amazed at the findings of Dr Bronnie Ware, who will now be addressed with the use of an adjective and I will appropriately refer to him as “eminent Dr Bronnie Ware” without hesitation.

I noticed that this doctor had thrown light on an area where many have not researched before. This study can now be used as a yard stick to guide people so that they lead a happy life. They do not end up in a position where one has to regret in the end. More importantly his findings were based on the data collected pain-stackingly by him over the years. The result of his study is more relevant in the context and more aptly so in today’s world. People have a tendency to look for quick fix solutions to the problems they face! They generally end up seeking solace in the wings of some fly by night type of spiritual gurus who give gyan on how life has to be lived. It is note worthy that there is no basis and first hand experience in dealing with such problems. The priorities of these gurus are misplaced and hence they actually have no solution to the problems faced by the vulnerable people.

Though the eminent doctor has listed all the points in a very scientific manner I am at this stage tempted to really analyse what he has observed. Let it not be construed that I am superimposing my views on the findings of this great man. But I want to analyse the points put forth by the doctor. The most common regrets that the doctor documented are as follows:

  1. “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”: This was the most common regrets observed by the doctor. Like normal human beings most of his patients had a lot of unfulfilled dreams. The regrets were because they had not even made a feeble attempt to fulfil any of their dreams; while giving away the prime of their life to the daily grind. They never listened to the voice of their calling!! They always lived a life that others wanted them to live!! Some times in the garb of responsibility and some times to please their near and dear ones. All the while doing what was required by the others and in the process suppressing his own personal space and emotions. By the time they realised their health had deteriorated and age had caught up with them!!
  2. “I wish I didn't work so hard”: This is the regret which men mostly felt and sometimes even women!! This is something very surprising!! It is definitely in contradiction to what most of us think. When I first read it I could not comprehend what must be going on in the mind of the person who was on the brink of leaving his mortal body. But if you look deeply at the mindset of the person who is terminally ill; it summarises it all. At this stage the person is looking at the perspective view of his life. He is looking at what he has gained by so working hard! On the other hand he is also seeing the price he has paid to achieve the materialistic things by compromising on the quality of life he has lived. Reducing the overall requirement by reducing the standard of living one can get more space for himself and time for his family!! This is what matters at the fag end of his life!
  3. "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings: This is easily one of the most commonly documented types of regret but it is also understandable. Most of the people suppress their feelings and seldom voice their opinion to avoid a situation which can lead to conflicts. But the most important point to be noted here is that when a person does not speak out, It results in pent up emotions which in turn results into bitterness or resentment. This kind of mindset on the long run can lead to many diseases. However on the other hand; some of the people who cannot express their feelings to a person they love unconditionally always regret it because they always end up thinking their life would have been different only if they had expressed their feelings. The advantage of expressing one’s feeling is that it either releases the person out of his/her life or on the other hand it could have a happy ending where relations become so strong that they last a life time .OnLoad="FreeViral(377698)"
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends: This type of regret is experienced by a person who is terminally ill and when he is weeks away from his death. We all live a life which is self centered and for meeting our own requirements. Whatever little charity we do by giving back to society we expect recognition and acknowledgement. If we think and try to analyse most of the actions we take are a result of thinking what the others think about us!! But the mindset of a dying person is totally different, he is not overly worried and does not bother what others think about him!!! On the other hand on his death bed he only wants to spend time with his friends who were connected to him in thick and thin without considering the repercussions of their actions. The general tendency of any individual when he is at the peak of his career is such that he forgets his friends and pursues an alternative course which gives him only materialistic pleasures but at the end of his life he regrets the kind of life he has lived and wants to trace his friends before death finally puts an end to his regrets!!!!
  1. I wish that I had let myself be happier: This type of regret may surprise the readers but it is very important to understand that happiness is a choice, i.e one can choose to be happy only if he wants to be happy!! I can illustrate it in a better way by quoting two small examples.
  • This is a point I learned to appreciate and it has remained with me ever since I participated in the Part 1 course of "Art Of Living" headed by the very popular Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji. It is always important to understand the significance of the present moment; if we try to look in the past nothing can be changed and at the same time knowing the future is too far fetched so the only time we have in our hand is the beautiful present moment. We always keep postponing happiness by saying let me achieve a certain target then I will be happy; having achieved that, we have a set of new targets already in place to be achieved; ultimately we forget to be happy, forget to enjoy that moment. In short what we do is we keep postponing happiness.
  • The second point I want to make here is very significant in the context i.e we should hear happiness knocking on our doors while we go about our daily grind. We should be able to choose happiness over other mundane things in our daily course of life. I can hit the nail in the head by telling about a small incident to which I was also a witness. I happened to attend the house warming ceremony of one of our relatives. It was a very happy occasion and the hosts could have easily chosen to be happy because the very occasion demanded it to be so!!! But my host or rather the lady of the house used that occasion to get even with her relatives who had behaved badly with her when she did not have a house of her own. She was bitter and emotional as she chose to be unhappy while the occasion demanded that she should be happy. She did not hear happiness knocking!!! This incident clearly drives home the point that happiness is a choice. One can be happy only if he/she chooses to be.

On a concluding note I will quote a few lines which are in the very own words of the eminent Dr Bronnie Ware and are very significant in the context People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions as expected denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them”.

The above lines throw light on an very important aspect i.e acceptance of a given situation is ultimately the key to finding peace in one's life.

"I have posted the above observation of the eminent doctor on my blog because I fully subscribe to his observation. Please note that the analysis and elaboration of all the five points have been done by me. Such inputs by doctors who are in the field gives a lot of justification to whatever is spiritual. Because every thing boils down to only one thing in life i.e "how you feel about your self".

I am not qualified enough to advice doctors but would definitely like to request them to give more weight-age to the mental and emotional condition of the patients while clinically treating them. I expressed my views on what eminent Dr Bronnie Ware has written only because I did not want to end up regretting before I call it a day!!!!

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